So in my last post, I threw in a flippant line about not asking someone to do the thinking for you and then getting mad when they started telling you what to do. It was mostly intended to make my wife laugh, but it turned into a real thing. Not that I did exactly that — but that I used to do exactly that, back in the days before I was an acknowledged ADHD-bevexed individual.
It turns out that in the two weeks since my last post, I have started doing something that I really needed to do — I’ve started laughing at myself whenever I do something that is so blatantly non compis mentis that there’s no way to understand the bafflement.
For example: quite often, my wife asks for hot chocolate, coffee, or tea; whenever she does, she likes a fat dollop of ‘whiff cream’ on the top, preferably with a little sumpin-sumpin sprinkled over the top for awesomeness. (Usually it’s Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pie Spice, but sometimes it’s Trader Joe’s Cocoa Powder.) This is a full-on habit of mine. Two days ago, she asked for a bowl of yogurt, and we had plain everyday Tillamook All Natural Plain Yogurt.
So I put a few spoonfuls in a bowl, and turned to do something else — knowing me, I was probably on my Kindle playing some trading card game, but I honestly don’t remember — and when I turned back, ADHD struck. I saw the white mound in the bowl, and without a second’s hesitation (or thought), I coated that sumbitch in Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pie Spice. I didn’t notice until the deed was done that it was yogurt in a bowl rather than coffee in a cup.
Welcome to my life.
I used to have this issue where whenever I felt like I did something genuinely stupid, I felt ashamed. Not guilty — guilty is a motivator that provokes change. Shame is different; shame just makes you feel like shit without actually inspiring you to do anything except hide in a corner and flagellate yourself. Shame beats you down, robs you of your motivation, and basically sucks in every conceivable way.
So doing stupid things made me feel like crap. Today, however, things are different, because today I have something to blame. Today, I do something genuinely dumb, and I actively share it with my wife (instead of trying to hide it), and we both laugh our butts off and call it an ‘ADHD moment.’ That doesn’t mean I don’t work to try to prevent them from happening, but when it does, it’s no longer a traumatizing event.
In fact, we’re having so much fun recording my idiocy that I’m going to start a new blog and post to it irregularly, much like my wife posts to GODzookery with all of the zany things my son says. It’s called DADHD — you can think of it as “Dad in HD”, or as “dADHD”, or even as a horrible spelling of “Dadhood” — and it’s going to be nothing but a log, in vignette form, of all of the incredibly idiotic things that I do. My hope is that people will laugh at them with me, and it will be good.
Also, I hope that when my son is old enough, he’ll look back and say “Yeesh, you mean you were always this bad?” Because showing your son that you’re just as human as everyone else is something I firmly believe in.